Title: SUBHUMAN
Genre: YA Science Fiction
Word Count: 96,000
Query:
17-year-old Kensington Randall has always felt invisible – until she becomes a moving target, and the prize in a devastating global war between mankind and their alien progenitors. When arctic drilling unearths an alien ship, the discovery sets off a chain of events that leaves the Earth scorched and twisted, and steals six years of Ken’s life in an instant. Six years in which her family, her friends, and her world move on without her.
Six years that leave her broken, wounded…and transformed into something that isn’t quite human.
As the military hunts her, her family rejects her, and her friends betray her, Ken has nowhere left to go save into the arms of Roman McKinley, another altered human and a confusing enigma who may damage Ken more than the aliens ever could. Together they discover the darker purpose behind their transformation – a purpose that makes them enemies to their own species, and living weapons who will, one way or another, bring the war to a shattering end.
Excerpt:
Kensington Randall would always remember the first time she saw Earth from space—and the last time she saw Brian smile.
He leaned against the railing on the outer observation deck of Hancomb International Lunar Station, smiling that strange, inward-turning smile that always made him seem so far away. Far from the world around them. Far from her. Unreachable, even when he stood so close their hands touched.
“I don’t want to go back,” he said. “I can’t.”
“Then stay. Don’t leave me here alone.”
He looked at her sidelong, pale gray eyes glinting behind his glasses—the legacy of failed gene therapy. “I don’t just mean for one more day.”
“I know.”
He smiled again, but she looked away. She’d never let him see how much that smile hurt, how much she wished she could understand what lay behind it.
She’d never let him know how helpless it made her feel, that she couldn’t answer the silent question in that smile.
Instead, she looked out the protective glass. Below, the Earth was a disk of color and shadow rising past the ashen gray horizon of lunar craters. Darkness cupped the outer curve of the planet. Sunlight gilt the illuminated edge, until she could have plucked the red-gold ring from space and slid it onto her finger. A dense storm system unfurled its arms to grip the northern hemisphere, and she caught her breath as lightness filled her.
Brian took her hand, and his fingers curled cool and pale against her dusky skin.
25 Comments
Amber · May 17, 2012 at 8:57 am
That query is amazing! oh my! I love all the tension and action. Totally my cup of tea…good luck!
erica m. chapman · May 17, 2012 at 11:22 am
I ABSOLUTELY love this. All of it. Aliens? Global war? Um, yeah! Great writing too ;o)
Robbin · May 17, 2012 at 1:46 pm
I’m not a fan of science fiction, but I would read this! Clear writing. Nice!
Audrey McKenzie · May 17, 2012 at 4:06 pm
It’s well written and a compelling story line.
Best of luck!
Audrey
Sarah Ahiers · May 17, 2012 at 5:10 pm
I love sci-fi! And i love that she loses 6 years of her life – intriguing!
TYHatch · May 17, 2012 at 8:41 pm
Loved this idea before, but reading your revised query – you just sucked me in even more!
Good luck!
Jamie Corrigan · May 17, 2012 at 9:21 pm
I’m not a huge sci-fi fan, but I would read this in a snap!
T.L. Bodine · May 17, 2012 at 11:24 pm
Good luck! This is intriguing indeed
Jamie Grey · May 18, 2012 at 7:14 am
This sounds so cool – I LOVE this concept. I would read this in a heartbeat! Good luck!!
Becca C. · May 18, 2012 at 10:06 am
That description in the second-to-last paragraph just blows me away. Seriously – so beautiful.
April Wall · May 18, 2012 at 10:17 am
Good luck, very unique concept!
Leigh Ann · May 18, 2012 at 10:29 am
You sold me at “a chain of events that leaves the earth scorched and twisted.”
*reads on with wide eyes*
Whoa. Beautiful descriptive writing as well. Amazing work. Good luck!
Sarah Henson · May 18, 2012 at 12:56 pm
Sounds like a thrilling story! Good luck!
Jenny Kaczorowski · May 18, 2012 at 6:48 pm
Such beautiful writing. Good luck!
Shirin Dubbin · May 18, 2012 at 6:49 pm
Well done!
Lisa K. · May 18, 2012 at 6:52 pm
What a cool premise. This sounds like it’s right up my alley!
Noelle Henry · May 19, 2012 at 12:04 pm
Very cool premise! You’ve done a great job with your query and 250! Good luck!
Jennie Bailey · May 19, 2012 at 3:46 pm
I don’t usually read Science Fiction, but I definitely wouldn’t be able to resist this one. It’s such an intriguing concept – coupled with your strong writing!
Cortney Pearson · May 19, 2012 at 6:20 pm
Wow, this sounds fabulous! Excellent writing, and a great query!
Kimberly Gabriel · May 20, 2012 at 11:17 am
I love the last line of this query. I also love the vulnerability of Kensington (great name) in your opening scene! Well done! Good luck to you!
Alex Hayman · May 20, 2012 at 11:39 am
Wow, I love the premise, and the opening is incredible! Good luck!
Summer Heacock · May 20, 2012 at 5:03 pm
This seriously sounds like it is going to be so awesome!! I would totally keep reading!!! Doing your loyal mascot proud!!
Andrea Somberg · May 21, 2012 at 8:17 am
I vote for you!
Roseanne Wells · May 21, 2012 at 6:48 pm
I vote for this one. Love sci-fi, and please let them be cyborgs!
Tara Dairman · May 22, 2012 at 7:14 am
#1 SUBHUMAN
Query:
This query reads to me as a little bit vague, especially in the last paragraph. Family rejects her, friends betray her, and the world hangs in the balance…I wonder if you can reword this in some way to make the stakes more personal to Ken and to this story.
Nitpicks: If you start a sentence with a number (like your first sentence), always spell it out. And “between mankind and their progenitors” is incorrect grammatically, since mankind is singular, so it should be “its progenitors.” Or you could go with something like “humans and their progenitors” if you want to keep the “their.”
First Page:
I like your first line, but in the context of the rest of the page, it doesn’t quite make sense to me. I suppose that Brian’s last smile will come later in the scene, and that we’ll find out that the MC has just arrived (since she’s seeing earth from space for the first time?). But it sounds from their dialogue like they’ve been on the ship together for a while, so I don’t know.
The description of Earth is pretty, and I love the aside about failed gene therapy, but otherwise I feel a little slammed with interpretation of the scene in the MC’s interior monologue. If you revise, I’d focus on more visuals/action and less interpretation in the opening pages.
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