MENTOR: Veronica Bartles

MENTEE: Naomi Milliner

TITLE: SUPER JAKE, NOT-SO-SUPER FREDDY, AND ME, THE KING OF CHAOS

CATEGORY/GENRE: MG Contemporary

WORD COUNT: 44,000

 

PITCH:

Ethan relies on top hats and magic wands to get through endless ER visits with his special needs brother. But when Jake’s latest trip to the ICU threatens to cancel Ethan’s biggest performance, he must decide whether he wants to be a master magician or “Jake’s big brother.”

 

EXCERPT:

Whether my audience is nine-year-old Superheroes with plastic hammers and shields, or ninety-year-old great-grandparents with white hair and walkers, everybody loves magic. Especially me.

Today’s audience of three-year-old girls includes Princess Leia poking Pocahontas; Belle whacking a ballerina with a balloon; and Snow White screaming for mommy.

Welcome to my world.

I started doing magic shows a year ago, at the beginning of sixth grade, and I loved every second of it. Then school ended, summer started, and my seven-year-old brother was bored.

“Ethan, why don’t you put Freddy in your act?” Mom suggested. “He could be your assistant.”

Sometimes I think her favorite thing is finding new ways to ruin my life.

Faster than you can say “Abracadabra,” I explained why her latest idea was even worse than usual. “What if I accidentally saw him in half?” No loving parent could argue with that.

Next day, Freddy pranced into the living room wearing a top hat that practically covered his eyes, black shirt and pants, and a crooked red bowtie. It was like staring at myself in one of those funhouse mirrors, where everything is exaggerated. And scary-looking.

“Doesn’t he look wonderful?” Mom gushed.

“He certainly does.” Dad put his arm around her waist and pulled her close.

I hate mushy stuff as much as anyone, but my parents used to be like that all the time. Until Jake was born and Mom got nervous and Dad got sad and everything changed.

Categories: Pitch Wars

2 Comments

Pam · January 22, 2014 at 2:26 am

I love the idea of this! A bit too close to something I already represent for me to look at. The voice sounds a bit young for sixth (or older) grade maybe?

Toni De Palma · January 22, 2014 at 8:53 am

Naomi, I love the family dynamics you set up here. Very authentic and heartfelt, especially that last sentence. Here’s to magic!

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