Pitch Madness B-15: FUTURESHOCK

Seventeen-year-old Grace Harper is destined to become President–or so says Colin, her time-traveling fanboy from the future. But that knowledge brings Grace to the attention of a sinister agency tasked with protecting that future.

If there had been a desk in front of me, I would have smacked my head against it. Repeatedly.

The auditorium erupted into cheers, a decidedly uncommon occurrence for Dresden High School’s student council candidacy announcements. Usually, students simply said what position they were running for and why people should vote for them, to weak applause or the occasional overzealous “Yeah!” from the stoner kids in the back.

Apparently, all it took was a twinkly-eyed quarterback running on a French fries platform to get people enthusiastically engaged in student government.

I had to use all my strength to unclench my jaw. My fists, however, I kept balled at my sides, so I wouldn’t try and wring anyone’s neck. I wasn’t usually this aggressive, but there was something about pretty-boy jocks reducing student government to a popularity contest that irked me.

Said jock extraordinaire, Jake Carlson, gesticulated wildly at the crowd to keep going, and ended his brilliantly puerile campaign speech with, “So if you vote for me, everything will be awesome, and you can have all the French fries you want!”

Head. Desk.

Before I could engage in any more imaginary stress relief, the student council adviser, Ms. Jefferson, nodded at me to go up to the podium, despite the fact that the crowd was still whooping, cat-calling and clapping. Jake, for his part, was encouraging them by way of a dramatic reenactment of last week’s game-winning catch.