Query Workshop B-9: THROUGH THE EDGEWOOD

Eleven-year–old Izzy has read every fairytale there is, so she knows that when the faeries steal a child, they always leave a changeling in its place. But when her little sister, Hen, disappears, there’s not a changeling in sight. She’s just gone. (This is your hook paragraph. I’d separate it from the rest of the paragraph. And I’m hooked here.)

Izzy suspects the old woman next door knows something she isn’t telling. So Izzy follows her down a passage twisting through the crowded trees to the enchanted forest of  the Edgewood.  But Faerie (How does Faerie connect to the Edgewood? Is Faerie in the Edgewood? Make that clear with a better transition.) is a much more savage place than the ones in Izzy’s fairytales. Within hours of their arrival, ghostly cobwebs attack the old woman, and Izzy barely escapes becoming cocooned in their icy tendrils.(What did they do for the hours they were there before getting attacked? Did they participate in a wild party? Something like this… After hours of Faerie indulgences, ghostly cobwebs attack… Or something that fits your story. It could be fine the way it is, so you decide.)

Fleeing for her life, she runs into a group of outlaw changelings, shape-shifting orphans more likely to steal her shoes than help her out. She befriends them, and learns they’re the last three changelings left in Faerie – all the others have mysteriously vanished. The new friends set out on a joint search-and–rescue mission across eastern Faerie. But when they discover Hen (Is Hen the only human child that was kidnapped? Is it just her and the changelings? Why aren’t there any more human kids?) and the missing changelings have been imprisoned by an evil queen, they know they’ve taken on more than even a changeling can handle. (What do you mean by “more than even a changeling can handle”? Do changelings have more powers than their shape-shifting abilities, are they stronger than human kids, or something else? Elaborate on their abilities.)

If Izzy and her friends can’t stop the queen, Izzy and her sister will never go home, the entire changeling race will be enslaved, and Hen won’t be the last human victim of the queen’s sinister plans.(Is Izzy a changeling? Why would Hen be the last human victim? Won’t Izzy be too?)

THROUGH THE EDGEWOOD is a middle grade fantasy adventure, complete at 70,000 (This word count may be 5K too much) words.

This sounds like a fun read! I love the outlaw changelings and the mystical feel. But I’d like to have more of a MG voice in it to capture agents’ attentions.

Here’s what I mean —>Eleven-year-old Izzy is certain the fairies snatched her little sister, Hen, from their darkened bedroom, even if no one believes her. She knows a fairy when she sees one, and this fairy messed up big time. Every fairytale she’s ever read says that when a fairy steals a child, they leave a changeling in her place, but there’s no changeling in sight. Hen’s just gone. —> 

Okay, so this is probably a very poor example. I’m sure you can do much better. I just wanted to give you an example of what I meant. Anyway, this premise is great!

 Marieke Nijkamp