Title: RIP HER TO SHREDS Genre: YA contemporary In the green room, she’d be herself again. [Nice first line!] Away from the cymbals clanging in her ears and the bass throbbing in her belly [“throbbing in her belly” is a weird phrasing to me… Maybe just say “the pulse of the bass”?], she’d be Charlie the dork. Charlie the siren, That girl who shimmied and gyrated and crooned like she knew how to string Read more…
Title: BETTER LIVES Genre: YA sci fi When Gil and Lew came to my dorm room with the idea of stealing the physics final, I normally wouldn’t have considered such a dumbass move. [I’m still trying to decide how I feel about this. On one hand, I like the voice, but for some reason, this line reads like the opening of a query to me. Maybe it’s the “when” that’s throwing me off?] It wasn’t Read more…
Title: A QUESTION OF FAITH Genre: YA Paranormal The attic door was always secured and padlocked, but now the stairs hang down into the hallway like a lolling tongue from a particularly dark and dusty mouth. [So, this is unnecessarily wordy in my opinion. Your opening has to be strong and punchy. I’d go for “The attic door is finally unlocked. And I can’t get in.” or something better. But remember to keep it simple Read more…
Title: BEYOND CHAINS AND STARS Genre: YA Sci-fi Creatures of the sky are not meant to be in water, yet here I am. All because I made a stupid dare with my brother. Again. [Yes! Love this opening.] As the warm water closes around me, crushing my mothwings to my back, I fight the urge to gulp for breath. I have to relax. I’m safe, with the amphibious gel. I don’t need to breathe as Read more…
Title: SPARKLE Genre: YA Contemporary So I finally scored a date with Kyle Baldwin. [I like the voice!] I wiggled out of my Seven jeans and tossed my T-shirt to the floor. “It’s perfect.” And standing in front of the full-length mirror, I digged what I saw. [So I changed this sentence up; you’re welcome to rephrase it however you like, but the two sentences before it clog the flow a bit, in my opinion.] Read more…
Title: Terrorist Dawn Genre: YA Thriller I take a deep breath and settle the crosshairs on the man I’m about to kill. I have made this shot hundreds if not thousands of times. Just not in real life only in video games. I have never killed a man before. I’ve never even been in a fight before but I’m on the verge of killing a man. Someone who deserves to die. This man has killed Read more…
Biology class, the nucleus of boredom. [Ha! I like this, but it doesn’t work as an opening. It feels more like a location label than an opening sentence. Maybe, instead, say something like: “Whoever called biology class a ‘nucleus of boredom’ is my hero.” Something like this adds nice voice into the equation, too.] Rachael stared four rows over and one row up at her friend Katie, but couldn’t get her attention. Katie was writing Read more…
Title: FORCED TO FLY Genre: YA Fantasy My talent was about the only thing that made my parents happy. [Nice!] And in my sixteen years [see, I am not a fan of introducing your MC’s age this obviously.] of experience, I had learned their happiness usually ended in my suffering. So when they called me for dinner, their voices high and excited, a hard knot formed in the pit of my stomach. I walked into Read more…
I’m so excited to announce PITCH LIVE! What is it, you ask? It’s a video of your best elevator pitch to an agent. I wanted to give you guys enough time to produce a video of an elevator pitch for your finished novels, so I’m posting this now. We already have a couple agents signed up to view the top 30 videos (if we get that many), but there will be more agents. I’ll announce Read more…
Yay! We have winners into the critique event with The Teenaged Nitpick. Winners must send the first 250 words of their young adult manuscript to brendadrakecontests@gmail.com by September 21 at 5PM EDT. If we don’t receive your entry by the allotted time, we will choose a new winner. If you didn’t make it, comment on the entries’ posts during the critique and you could win one of ten 250 word critiques from me. It can Read more…