Title: GUARDIANGenre: YA Urban Fantasy Jesse is hunted. [Killer first line! Pun intended.] After spring break, eyes lingered on him and left dead boys wherever we went [I’d switch this sentence around so it says “Wherever he went, dead boys were left” or something else not so passive]. The Read more…
Title: RIP HER TO SHREDS Genre: YA contemporary In the green room, she’d be herself again. [Nice first line!] Away from the cymbals clanging in her ears and the bass throbbing in her belly [“throbbing in her belly” is a weird phrasing to me… Maybe just say “the pulse Read more…
Title: BETTER LIVES Genre: YA sci fi When Gil and Lew came to my dorm room with the idea of stealing the physics final, I normally wouldn’t have considered such a dumbass move. [I’m still trying to decide how I feel about this. On one hand, I like the voice, Read more…
Title: A QUESTION OF FAITH Genre: YA Paranormal The attic door was always secured and padlocked, but now the stairs hang down into the hallway like a lolling tongue from a particularly dark and dusty mouth. [So, this is unnecessarily wordy in my opinion. Your opening has to be strong Read more…
Title: BEYOND CHAINS AND STARS Genre: YA Sci-fi Creatures of the sky are not meant to be in water, yet here I am. All because I made a stupid dare with my brother. Again. [Yes! Love this opening.] As the warm water closes around me, crushing my mothwings to my Read more…
Title: SPARKLE Genre: YA Contemporary So I finally scored a date with Kyle Baldwin. [I like the voice!] I wiggled out of my Seven jeans and tossed my T-shirt to the floor. “It’s perfect.” And standing in front of the full-length mirror, I digged what I saw. [So I changed Read more…
Title: Terrorist Dawn Genre: YA Thriller I take a deep breath and settle the crosshairs on the man I’m about to kill. I have made this shot hundreds if not thousands of times. Just not in real life only in video games. I have never killed a man before. I’ve Read more…
Biology class, the nucleus of boredom. [Ha! I like this, but it doesn’t work as an opening. It feels more like a location label than an opening sentence. Maybe, instead, say something like: “Whoever called biology class a ‘nucleus of boredom’ is my hero.” Something like this adds nice voice Read more…
Title: FORCED TO FLY Genre: YA Fantasy My talent was about the only thing that made my parents happy. [Nice!] And in my sixteen years [see, I am not a fan of introducing your MC’s age this obviously.] of experience, I had learned their happiness usually ended in my suffering. Read more…
I’m so excited to announce PITCH LIVE! What is it, you ask? It’s a video of your best elevator pitch to an agent. I wanted to give you guys enough time to produce a video of an elevator pitch for your finished novels, so I’m posting this now. We already Read more…