Day Six of the June Query Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentors … Lisa Maxwell & Charlie N. Holmberg

Born in Salt Lake City, Charlie N. Holmberg was raised a Trekkie alongside three sisters who also have boy names. She is a proud BYU alumna, plays the ukulele, owns too many pairs of glasses, and hopes to one day own a dog. Her debut novel, The Paper Magician, is the first title in her fantasy series and is followed by the equally enchanting The Glass Magician and The Master Magician. She currently lives with her family in Utah.

Charlie’s latest releases …

Throughout her studies, Ceony Twill has harbored a secret, one she’s kept from even her mentor, Emery Thane. She’s discovered how to practice forms of magic other than her own—an ability long thought impossible.

While all seems set for Ceony to complete her apprenticeship and pass her final magician’s exam, life quickly becomes complicated. To avoid favoritism, Emery sends her to another paper magician for testing—a Folder who despises Emery and cares even less for his apprentice. To make matters worse, a murderous criminal from Ceony’s past escapes imprisonment. Now she must track the power-hungry convict across England before he can take his revenge. With her life and loved ones hanging in the balance, Ceony must face a criminal who wields the one magic that she does not, and it may prove more powerful than all her skills combined.

The whimsical and captivating follow-up to The Paper Magician and The Glass Magician, The Master Magician will enchant readers of all ages.

Order The Master Magician on Amazon

Seventeen-year-old Smitha has the wealth, status, and beauty that make her the envy of her town—until she rejects a strange man’s marriage proposal and disastrous consequences follow. Smitha becomes cursed, and frost begins to encompass everything she touches. Banished to the hills, hunted by villagers, and chilled to the very core of her soul, she finds companionship with Death, who longs to coax her into his isolated world. But Smitha’s desire for life proves stronger than despair, and a newfound purpose gives her renewed hope. Will regrets over the past and an unexpected desire for a man she cannot touch be enough to warm Smitha’s heart, or will Death forever still it?

Pre-order Followed by Frost on Amazon

Charlie’s query critique …

Query #13:

Dear AGENT:

When a Marine deploys, the Marine Corps family readiness group
suggests keeping things at home the same (I might say “unchanged” instead of “the same”). Don’t cut your hair, don’t paint any rooms. Maintain the status quo, and stay strong until your Marine returns to you.

Grace Bilson followed all the rules. But four years after her husband John has gone (Do you mean four years since his deployment, or four years since he went MIA?), the rules are have become a cage from whichshe cannot escape. Her family has moved forward, as have most of the friends she had when John deployed. But Grace has not moved—cannot move. How can she find closure when her husband’s fate is undetermined? “Killed in
Action” is one thing. “Missing in Action” is something else entirely. (Nice.)

Grace waits. But when she takes an impulsive step forward – a dive trip that she and John had meant to take together – the foundation on which she stands begins to sift from under her like sand swept out by the tide. Flickers of memories she cannot place hint at a truth very different from the one she has lived with for four years. (Is there a way for you to be more specific in the last one and a half sentences? They’re very vague, meaning I can’t entirely tell what the story is about. I have great setup, but I’d love a better glimpse of what happens in the story. If you can accurately establish the conflict, you could even nix or condense the first paragraph.)

SURFACING (Love the title now that I’ve read the query) explores the idea that sometimes the truth isn’t what actually happened. Sometimes the truth is simply what we need to believe to survive. (The previous two sentences could be condensed and clarified. Something like, …explores the idea that sometimes we create our own truths—truths we need to believe to survive.) SURFACING is an upmarket women’s fiction with romantic elements and is complete at 70,000 words.

I am a Marine spouse (Great! This gives you clout.) and the author of several romantic novels, including the PROHIBITED series with Carina Press. Thanks very much for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

Thank you, Lisa and Charlie, for your critiques. Everyone, come back tomorrow for the next round of critiques!

Also, there’s still time to sign up on the Rafflecopter for the July First Page Workshop with our Pitch Wars past and present mentors. Go to this post here to sign up.