My good friend Shelley Watters over at Is It Hot In Here Or Is It This Book? is hosting an epic follower twitter pitch blogfest/contest. The prize is a full manuscript request from the incredible super agent Suzie Townsend. On April 1 and 2 we’re posting our pitches and hopping around to the other participants’ blogs to critique their entries. On April 3 we’ll enter our polished pitches in the comment section of Shelley’s contest post.
Check out all the details and go read all the other participants’ entries here.
So here’s my entry and feel free to tell me what you think.
Title: LIBRARY JUMPERS
Genre: YA Urban Fantasy
Word Count: 93,000
Yanked into a gateway book that links the great libraries, Gia finds that she’s a long lost knight and must now fight to stop an apocalypse.
Thanks for stopping by and good luck to all who enter!
That’s it.
39 Comments
erica m. chapman · March 31, 2011 at 9:23 pm
I like it. I need more urgency. take out the “that” and “long” You could even lose “lost” if you want?
Yanked into a gateway book that links the great libraries, Gia discovers she’s a lost knight and must fight to stop an apocalypse.
You can even add another couple words now ;o) Great job!!! Love the premise of this one ;o)
Caitlin · March 31, 2011 at 10:07 pm
Ooh, long lost knight! That sounds like one awesome adventure. Maybe replace ‘an apocalypse’ with ‘THE apocalypse’, just for extra impact? Just a suggestion. Otherwise, great pitch! 😀
CobraMisfit · April 1, 2011 at 5:17 am
Very interesting premise. Fighting across genres to prevent world destruction? I’d read it.
Dove-tailing off what the above reviewers said, the second part of the sentence could be tweaked just a little for punch:
“. . .Gia discovers she is a lost knight destined to prevent the coming apocalypse.”
If I did the math right, it comes to 136 characters.
But hey, that’s just nity-pickin’ items. I really like your pitch. Good luck!
Kaleen · April 1, 2011 at 5:43 am
Ooh, interseting!
I’m wondering if because she is a knight, does this meant the book travels across time? That was my only thought.
I like the sound of the premise!
Loralie Hall · April 1, 2011 at 6:10 am
Libraries, knights, and apocolypses, oh my!
I agree with the tiny edits Erica suggests, but overall I love the promise of what’s to come. Very intriguing ^_^
Libby · April 1, 2011 at 6:58 am
I’m in the contest too!
Good pitch. Only critique is that it seems like the novel contains a lot of world building and that makes the pitch seem a touch clunky. Completely only my opinion though.
Lori M. Lee · April 1, 2011 at 7:38 am
I love the premise, but I don’t quite understand how the first part about the linked libraries is connected to the second part about an apocalypse. Even so, I think it’s intriguing. Love anything with libraries too :3
MarcyKate · April 1, 2011 at 7:46 am
I love this. You convey the premise in a very tidy way. I would also suggest calling it “the” apocalypse instead of “an” – it has more impact that way, I think.
Good luck!
Bethany · April 1, 2011 at 7:53 am
With the teeny few suggestions you’ve already gotten (THE apocalypse, removing small words), I really think this works. I was REALLY intrigued by the gateway book! ;D
Just a note: Anyone who came by my blog this morning and couldn’t leave a comment, first of all thanks for trying! and second of all problem solved! 😀
Mara Nash · April 1, 2011 at 7:57 am
Oh, I love the idea of a gateway book that links great libraries! I’m guessing the libraries are anywhere in space and/or time?
I agree with the other suggestions, “an” vs “the,” etc.
Good job!
T. Romel Blossom · April 1, 2011 at 8:33 am
I really like your pitch. The gateway book is interesting and you set up the road to the adventure well, and you set up some pretty big stakes.
An Epic pitch for what sounds like an Epic Story.
Congrats.
buildingalife · April 1, 2011 at 8:53 am
I like the library gates! Sounds like heaven! My only question is how do the library and knighthood connect?
Tina Moss · April 1, 2011 at 9:17 am
I agree with lori and “buildingalife”, how does the first half connect to the second? Flush that out and I think you’ve got it! Good luck!
Bekah Snow · April 1, 2011 at 9:19 am
Hello! I am on the same page as Lori Lee; I’m wondering how the first part about the library is connected to the second about the apocalyse and being a knight. I am also wondering what are the stakes? Is she going to save the world from…I KNOW that sounds impossible in 140 characters LOL
Nicholas Denmon · April 1, 2011 at 10:08 am
Love the premise, I think this contest is great for all of us writing types!
Melanie Schulz · April 1, 2011 at 10:33 am
Very unique idea.
Vicki Tremper · April 1, 2011 at 10:51 am
Love this concept! I’m just wondering what the conflict is. What is she fighting against to prevent the apocalypse?
Good luck in the contest!
Jamie · April 1, 2011 at 11:00 am
You pulled me in from the word “Yanked!” I’m guessing that the conflict is the apocalypse or the one/ones causing it. Either way; good job! Good luck!! 🙂
Karen Akins · April 1, 2011 at 2:42 pm
Ooh! Like the premise, and you have some strong verbs in there. Agree with first poster that you could drop a few filler words.
JEFritz · April 1, 2011 at 3:31 pm
I’m a little confused by the “gateway book.” Is it like a portal? Does Gia find out she’s a knight in the book?
The apocalypse thing sounds interesting! I kind of wonder what Gia thinks about it. Is she excited or scared or angry or what? I really like this concept.
Teralyn Rose Pilgrim · April 1, 2011 at 5:02 pm
It’s great. You can take out the word “now,” though.
Crystal Collier · April 1, 2011 at 5:55 pm
Ooooh! An apocalypse… This sound fun.
douglas esper · April 1, 2011 at 5:56 pm
now this sounds like a fun read! i agree with others that you could mess with some word choices but none are deal breakers…great job!
douglas esper
LK Gardner-Griffie · April 1, 2011 at 9:53 pm
Loved the start – the word yanked does exactly that. Nicely done.
Ruthy · April 2, 2011 at 6:43 am
Interesting concept. I like it.
Good luck!
Roland D. Yeomans · April 2, 2011 at 7:29 am
As a young child who haunted the libraries, I would have so identified with the hero of your book — and I believe so will the child of today. Roland
Susan Oloier · April 2, 2011 at 9:02 am
Didn’t read the other entries (since you have so many), so maybe someone already suggested tightening it up a bit. How about…
“Yanked into a gateway book linking the great libraries, Gia finds she’s a long lost knight who must now fight to stop an apocalypse.”
I am definitely interested, just seemed like it could be streamlined a little more.
Heather · April 2, 2011 at 9:30 am
I love the concept! It sounds so good that I want to read it now! Great logline. My thoughts on it:
Yanked into a gateway book that links the great libraries, Gia finds (DISCOVERS might be stronger) that she’s a long lost (do we need both LONG and LOST?) knight and must now fight to stop an (AN makes me think it isn’t the whole world that will suffer but only part of it. THE would make me think it was the entire world. Whichever is accurate to your story though is the way to go!) apocalypse.
Regina · April 2, 2011 at 10:47 am
This is a really good pitch. Enjoyed it very much. Best wishes on the contest.
Sharon K. Mayhew · April 2, 2011 at 1:04 pm
I like your pitch Brenda…I would suggest changing “Gia finds that she’s a long lost knight…” to “Gia discovers she’s a long lost knight…” Good luck!
Suzi McGowen · April 2, 2011 at 2:31 pm
I get the genre right away, but not anything about Gia (other than she’s female) or her conflict. Is she clumsy and sure she could never be a knight? Or too pragmatic to believe in gateway books?
On the other hand, it’s a great example of voice 🙂
Morgan Lee · April 2, 2011 at 3:35 pm
Hey, Brenda
You know I’m a huge fan of your story. :)I really like CobraMisfit’s suggestion. It adds more urgency and fits your storyline perfectly I think. Good luck!
Brenda Drake · April 2, 2011 at 3:39 pm
Thank you all so much for the wonderful comments, now I’ve just got to apply them all. Good luck to all in the contest, from what I’ve read so far, there’s a lot of great pitches out there! Again thanks *hugs*!
Lisa Gail Green · April 2, 2011 at 5:09 pm
Sounds good, Brenda!!! Good luck!
fOIS In The City · April 2, 2011 at 5:44 pm
Your pitch grabs me, but the only thing I might want to chuck is …”long lost” a lost knight is awesome enough … the gateway harkens to days of long ago and says it all …
Good luck to you 🙂
Rebecca Dupree · April 2, 2011 at 7:00 pm
I love the picture of the coffee heart. Beautiful. <3 I am now following you... just because of coffee!
lbdiamond · April 4, 2011 at 10:45 am
How’d I miss this one?
Great pitch and good luck!!!
Love the pic, by the way.
Carol Kilgore · April 6, 2011 at 7:22 am
Very cool. I like. Good luck in the contest.
Thanks for stopping by my blog 🙂
Debra Ann Elliott · April 7, 2011 at 6:45 am
Brenda,
Thanks for stopping by.
Comments are closed.